I'm ready for an adventure.

If you have been reading Shusli's Blog, you know that she is looking for work in either Coos Bay or Crescent City. By the looks of things, we will wind up in Coos Bay. It is so cute the way she wrote her goodbyes to the great city of Portland, Oregon.

FRUSTRATED

Many things here have been frustrating me lately.

My work is going well, no big deal.

The weather has been driving me nuts. In the last month or longer, there have been few days of no percipitation. Where we are, it snows but it is rain/show and nothing sticks so it is like being teased. We have to go somewhere else to have snow fun. Kind of like we have to go somewhere else to expand our lives in this world.

Taking part in Indian media, 1 radio show, 1 tv show, in this area, no matter how liberal or revolutionary minded things are on these forums, Indians are one of the last issues considered in my opinion.

On the radio we lost OVER 40% of our programming when the combined the radio show I host with the other Native radio show. Plus, we are pre-empted about 5-8 times a year. This is done most of the time with no regard to the fact that we Indians only have 1.5 hours of air time a week.

The tv show used to be 4 hours a month, was reduced shortly after I started hosting to 1 hour a month. A reduction of 75%. This show has only been pre-empted some 3 times that I recall. Twice for a moving of the studio. Once because of meeting there was a contractural agreement that cut into 58 minutes of our 1 hour. But the show, however, replays throughout the month so we did it anyhow and were told it would be aired more frequently than usual.

It is extremely difficult to get Indians interested in media even though they can come down and play a part in both shows on the radio and the show on the tv. Few people in this town have been consistent in attending the shows. No Indians are interested in starting new shows. No Indians are interested in expanding the current shows we have going for us. I have gone to a certain youth organization in town several times to try and garner interest. Once I was asked to speak to a large crowd of their recipients, only to be put off until almost all the youth were gone. No one is interested and the regular media folks find it easy to push aside Native programming because aint no one gonna fight for it.

Felicia has currently lost almost all interest in being part of my/our lives. She no longer comes over on weekends, and I let that stand because she has and undoubtedly will make life as much of a living hell as possible for us. That has become her style towards us since I have laid down the law to try to stop her persistent thieving and lying.

LONG DISTANCE

Because of our decision to get the f**k out of Dodge, there may be a bit of a long distance relationship for Shusli and I, possibly for up to a year.

It is not as easy for me to find work (good work at that) as it would be for Shusli. Therefore, I am going to try to get my Class B CDL. If I should do this for my work, we would have a "gentleman's agreement" that they could take advantage of that for a certain amount of time. I do not like the idea of not working. Driving is what I do best.

I am also gonna try to get a certain type of license that may help me make a few bucks on the side. I have no idea if I can get it, yet, but I am gathering more information.

I may also try to talk my work into sending me out to Medford once a week in which Shusli, while down south, might be able to take advantage of my overnight stay and come and spend the night with me.

The "Long Distance" will only be temporary, and quite possibly add to the strength behind our forthcoming adventure.

WHAT I'LL MISS

I'm told there isn't a whole lot of culture in the CB area. That I'll miss. However, that doesn't mean that we won't carry some or a whole lot down there.

I'll miss my friends, especially Maire and Donovan.

I'll miss Felicia, but I already miss her. She doesn't return my phone calls and for the last week, only her mother has talked with me.

WHAT I WON'T MISS

I won't miss the excessive traffic noise rallying outside our windows every day. Even in the middle of the night (I'm up at 1:30am), there are excessively noisy vehicles frequenting the road that runs right by our house.

Traffic is really horrible in the area, and when it isn't horrible, one finds oneself often stuck behind drivers that find it rather difficult to drive the recommended speed limit.

Won't miss the drug dealing that continues right in front of our house, though with less frequency AT THE MOMENT since the busting of the house a few doors down.

Currently, I don't even write about subjects I used to write about intensely. I feel very little motivation. I'm tired of this election because it clogs up all of the news all over the world. I can tell you the outcome right now...THE SYSTEM WINS! The only thing that changes is the name of the person one believes to be in charge. Still, millions of folks will be senselessly killed, millions more will senselessly have to suffer under the U.S. empire.

WHAT I LOOK FORWARD TO

Shusli and I have a great connection. We often find each other saying what the other is thinking. I believe that will become stronger as we walk through this adventure because we are both burning out here and life, though successful, is snuffing our our lights.

I look forward to being somewhere different. I've been in the Portland area for 42 of my 43 years. I need a change.

I look forward to being close to our homelands, the redwoods, our peoples, and frequenting all of these things.

I look forward to be refreshed in the world.

I look forward to buying a house with my wife as the continued strong market in the Portland area (one of the few areas in the nation), will prevent us from ever getting a house. Houses are affordable in Coos Bay and Crescent City.

MEDIA

Shusli worries that I won't like our new adventure. I guarantee her I will, but she still worries, and that is understandable. The biggest issues for her regard my work in the local media here. As mentioned above, you all know how Indians get treated even in the community medias here, and how Indians don't fight to strengthen, continue, build upon, or start new shows. There are 30,000 Indians in this area, and due to the lack of enthusiasm expressed during the cutting down of our times in the local medias, I can almost guarantee you that none will raise a voice once I'm gone. This is not an ego thing, it is a statement of fact based upon the past and current lack of motivation from my fellow Indians to participate or even show interest in media and getting the native word our, let alone defending what we have. It just isn't there.

How I got involved was when I was asked by the host previous to me to read some of my poetry on the air. I did this several times before the man disappeared from behind the mic during one of his shows. A white man respectfully held the time slot open for Indians. One day he showed up some 45 minutes late, I drove down there during my work when I heard him on the air. I asked if he wanted me to read some poetry on the next show. He asked if I wanted to be the co-host.

It was fear, folks. Fear that motivated me to go down there. Fear of losing that time slot for Indians. When I leave (and I will be leaving), there will be no fear. David Liberty will have the TV and radio shows open. John Talley and crew will keep the other show going. No one will be afraid of losing those time slots for Indians. There will be no motivation for anyone to come down and participate nor defend nor expand on Indian media.

The only thing that would have kept me here no longer pivots on me. There are others who will take care of it, and though there is a tiny amount of danger of losing these programs, it isn't enough to motivate others to building upon what we have. The lack of enthusiasm from my fellow Indians is something that is also motivating me to want to leave. There may be the occasional, "What was that fat guys name who used to say all that shit on the radio all those years ago?" but honestly, there will be little else and I will be forgotten because I am not what is important here.

You see, I am no longer fearful that Indian media will be lost. It is like us Indians. We are pushed aside onto reservations and into the fringes of U.S. society. We are still here, but no one really cares. Same with Indian media. It has been pushed aside into the fringes of media society, but no one is concerned because it is in no danger of dying.

So, within a year (most likely this summer after Shusli and I go to China), I will be bidding a fond farewell to Indian media. I might be missed, but it won't last long as Indian media still has somewhat of a toe hold and therefore since mere survival is insured, no one will honestly care that my presence is no longer there after a few months, that is for the few that may miss me on these programs.

I am ready for a change.

That doesn't mean I will be shutting up anytime soon. It means I will have to engage a different type of audience and have to use or create different methods of engagement to garner their interests. The folks I will have to deal with down there are set in their ways. Shusli and I will not be appreciated at least to an extent. But that means we will have to be creative. We will have to engage our minds in ways we are not able to do here. We won't have the strong support like we do here, so we will have to be careful. Revolution will come, and we will do our parts. In small towns like these, it will be great exercise for our minds and souls. It will be a type of exercise we don't get here, and the change, like I said, will require us to be creative in how we do things. May be tough, but undoubtedly will be more rewarding than the frustration we are facing here.

So, there is my introductory farwell, as my farwell from P-Town may be a little more extended than Shusli's, but I will be leaving and I will be leaving the media as well. Although Shusli has suggested that I try to make my work schedule go around my media schedule and come up here two or three times a month, I have no intention of forcing the issue on a new work place. Once we are both out of Portland, I will not be going out of my way to make it to any of the shows I am currently participating in.

So there is my letter of intent to leave Portland with my wonderful wife, to leave Indian media, and to carry on a long distance relationship with my daughter who currently wants nothing to do with me.