From Disillusion to Hope

I don't mean to be a downer, or maybe I do, but I don't have a whole lotta good energy for the march about to happen.

I will be heading down there soon. I don't know, I guess I'm a little depressed about it.

What I hope happens is that my pre-perceptions of this forth coming event be shattered like glass and open the way to the passions I once felt for these movements. But all these years later, after getting up close and personal with some of these folks, after doing my best to find the realities behind these movements and the war and the governments etc., all I find myself is disillusioned and only willing to go to these events more as an observer, a social occasion, a photographer, and not a whole lot more.

There is a great song on the CD, "Dancing on John Wayne's Head," called "New Ways of Looking at Power." A woman talks of not only how women feel solidarity with their brothers in struggle, they also feel terrified of them because they see in them the same traits as those who have stolen our power. If these guys suddenly had the power, what is gonna happen to the women? Basically, the same shit.

What I have observed since the beginning of this illegal and genocidal war forced upon the world by King Dick and co-King George has been all sorts of little "kingdoms" and "empires" within the so-called peace movement.

I have been rejected by one faction of the peace groups that I had respect for because I refused to kneel before the cross of non-violence. I regularly bash the two local kings of peace, Tom Hasings and Peter Bergel. These two men have had more complaints from the women at large about the misogyny RADIATING from these assholes that never seems to get addressed until my sweetie bashed one of these bastards on Indy Media. Not to mention their racism.

I have praised and become disillusioned by the Black Bloc. As much as I admire these folks anti-authoritarian stances, I have also watched them stab their allies in the back. I have watched their anti-U.S. troop stuff, which basically seems to state they are OK with the killing of U.S. soldiers...but aren't willing to do so themselves. They will ask the Iraqi's and others to do their killing for them while they remain here...in the comforting arms of Portland, where there aren't any recognizable conditions of war to inconvenience their lives.

I talk with a friend of mine who is Maori and she tells me there is a lot of infighting within the Maori's tribal divisions. However, she tells me, when they are challenged as a people they unite quicker and harder and fight feircely for each other. I guess that is what I'd like to see come out of this thing.

But empire has a lot of influence. And many within empire want their own empires in one form or another. So, once this event is over, all I see coming from it is business as usual.

I know it is a shitty attitude, but I've been watching this game for far too long now. One begins to recognize play after play after play and it is so easy to predict when, where, and what will be done and the outcome. The outcome, of course, being absolute business as usual.

Here I am, not feeling all that well again, feeling rather disillusioned, but I'll tell you what gives me hope...the folks who participate in these events that aren't affiliated with the various empires of alleged peace. The folks who really WANT peace but aren't sure how it comes about. The folks. The peeps. Those with real desire for peace, not their own little fucking empires. Those are the folks that I Love. And they far outnumber the folks who belong to the various empires of peace. Those folks are where the real change is gonna come from.