Deep Dark Depression Excessive Misery

Saturday, December 8, Felicia steals stuff from Walgreens.

Sunday, December 9, after Felicia gets back to her moms, Lisa finds Felicia pulling rings and fake eye lashes out of her bag. Felicia lies and tells Lisa that I bought her the rings and Shusli bought her the eye lashes. Felicia, being only 12, is not allowed to wear make-up when she is visiting here on weekends(Lisa allows her to), so Lisa was suspicious and called me. She found out that Felicia had actually stolen the items from Walgreens then lied to try to save her ass. Having to go to bed early, I didn't get a chance to talk with Felicia. Lisa decides that when Felicia visits here again (December 21), I can take her back to Walgreens and have her give the items back. I get to be the bad guy here.

[Background: Felicia has been stealing off and on for about 6 years from family and friends. This is the first time she got caught stealing from a store that I know of.]

Monday, Decmeber 10, I call Felicia via her moms cell phone and leave a message. No one calls back.

Tuesday, December 11, I write up rules Felicia will have to abide by when she is visiting here because of her rampant thievery and lying. I call in the evening to talk with Felicia. Lisa tells me that she is at some event at her school with a friend. (No discipline has been enacted by Lisa for Felicia's lying and thievery. That is left up to me.) I did not talk to Lisa about this, but this is not something I would have let a 12-year-old do just days after stealing from a store and lying about it especially when stealing and lying are clear and consistent patterns of behavior for Felicia, as well as bad grades. Lisa then informs me that on Thursday at 7pm there is a school pageant that Felicia is participating in. I tell her I will take a nap and be there. She tells me she'll have Felicia call me later. No such call happens.

Also on this day, Shusli informs me that alleged anarchists and other folks are attacking Urban Scout for charging $15 to $18 for admission to see Derrick Jensen. This is a benefit for Rewilding, but instead of asking, folks go on the attack and have done so ruthlessly and relentlessly.

Wednesday, December 12. On Wednesdays, I pick up Felicia from school and we hang out for a few hours before I take her home. I find out that not only did Lisa tell her Tuesday evening, but reminded her Wednesday morning that I would be picking her up after school. I show up at the school about 15 minutes before it lets out. Felicia never shows up. I call and leave a message for Lisa and then Shusli that Felicia bagged out on visiting with me, as I was going to go over the new rules for when she visits. Lisa calls later to tell me she has Felicia in the car and asks if I want to talk with her. I am SO INFURIATED that I decided it was a good idea not to. Lisa again does NOTHING to discipline Felicia for this. Shusli calls later and asks what happened. Felicia alleges that she "forgot" and took the bus to her friends house. It is alleged that Felicia called her mother crying saying she forgot. Here is my problem with that.

I have picked up Felicia EVERY WEDNESDAY since school started. She was allegedly given 2 reminders from her mother, one occuring in the morning before she went to school.

This is what I believe happened given Felicia's clear and consistent behavioral patterns. Felicia knows I get to be the bad guy on her thievery issues. Felicia knows that she can pretty much get away with whatever she wants to when it comes to her mother (who has sole custody, by the way). Felicia knows I am not happy, and therefore probably made plans to conveniently forget a clear and consistent pattern of me picking her up on Wednesdays. She probably worked swiftly to get on the bus before I could spot her as I waited in my car. Safely away from the school, she can then give her mother a call, crying, and tell her that she forgot.

Thursday, December 13, Shusli, David Liberty, and I do the interview with Derrick Jensen on "Mitakuye Oyasin." I also make a post about the fact that I now hate alleged anarchists and the reasons why, which mostly stem from their self-serving attacks on Urban Scout, a young man I consider an ally though I don't know him that well. The work I see him doing is rather admirable and the attacks from folks whom you think would be allied with folks like Scout, turn out to be a bunch of self-serving arrogant assholes. No one asks why he is charging so much, they just go on the attack. What a bunch of mother-fuckers. They can all kiss my flat ass.

Thursday, you may recall, was also the evening in which Felicia was supposed to have her pageant at 7pm. Shusli and I had a lot of work to do in order to prepare for Eli coming home and living with us for a while. I decide not to go. I'm tired and angry. I call Lisa about 5pm and leave a message telling her to have Felicia call me. 7pm rolls around, my bed time, and no one has called back. I don't call again because I have assumed that Felicia was at the pageant. At 7:30pm, Shusli tells me Felicia is on the phone and asks if I want to talk. I say no, I'm tired and angry, and would rather not.

Friday, December 14. I wake up at 1:30am to get ready for work and read and write a little on the internet. I check my e-mails and Shusli informs me that the pageant had actually taken place on Tuesday, not Thursday. What this means is that Shusli and I would have gone all the way to Milwaukie from North Portland to see a pageant at Felicia's school that happened 2 days before. It is now my belief that Felicia waited until after 7pm to call because she knows I regularly go to bed at that time when I have to work the next day. This infuriates me even more, all this passive agressive behavior toward me from both Felicia and her mother. It infuriates me that her mother is doing NOTHING to curb Felicia's lying, stealing, and bad grades, and that all the weight of taking action against these behaviors weighs on me and I only have her from Friday to Sunday evenings twice a month.

But wait, there's more. You're probably wondering why the Urban Scout stuff is being written about on this post about Felicia. Well, I also have another e-mail sent to me by a man I formerly thought as an ally, though we don't know each other all that well. I won't share his e-mail here, but if he is reading my blog, I will call the short fucker out here on this forum for all to read. The man read a whole lotta shit into what I said about the anarchists and did not ask for clarification, he just told me that he knew exactly what I was thinking and compared me to one of the people I pretty much hate most in the local area, adding him to that list as well. So, mother-fucker, if you are reading this, then come on here in public and we can get it on here.

Seems to me, in the words used by this man, that he totally supports the verbal attacks being launched by alleged anarchists and others and that they shouldn't have to ask for clarification from someone who is on the same side as to why he is charging money to see Derrick Jensen even though it is a benefit for Rewilding. I am not above violence, even verbal violence. The verbal violence I have used against these alleged anarchists is in defense of a young man, Urban Scout, whom I see as an ally and who is trying to create a change in this world. From everything I am hearing about these alleged anarchist groups around, they are turning out to be quite a bunch of self-serving self-interested assholes.

So, the little fucker sends me another e-mail this afternoon telling me to take back a bunch of what I said. Being extremely pissed off about the Felicia shit and being more pissed off about this assholes defense of an OFFENSIVE attack on Scout and attacking me personally in my e-mail about my defense of Scout, I sent an e-mail back to the little fuck and told him to fuck off. Since we know each other, I also told him not to talk with me in public any more either. I also sent his e-mail to Shusli, and she is not clear as to what he is talking about, either, and is confused as to how much that short shit has read into my wording. He just sent me an e-mail titled "Fear and Loathing" but I deleted it before I could read it. I'd rather to battle here in public and not allow him to hide behind the anonymity of e-mails.

So, shit face, I'm sure you are reading this, come out on this forum and let's have a fucking battle here. I'm in for some fuckin' verbal fist-a-cuffs, mother fucker.